I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
