i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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