She is in my trunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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