Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk is a universal language darling
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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