so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Come see our sink grown plant.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
