we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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