I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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