What a fucking waste of an outfit
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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