She's JV to your varsity
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
