I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
