I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can't just leave with hair like that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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