Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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