this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
