I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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