Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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