Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
