This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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