guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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