FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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