if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
