I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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