Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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