I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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