No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
