have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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