no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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