READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
