Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
