Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
