Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
