i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
