And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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