Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
