I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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