Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize