He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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