oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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