Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
