Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
