Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize