he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
