I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
