I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
