Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
