For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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