She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
