The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
where are you?
Hypothermia
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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