God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
