My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
