Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I want is dick and wine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
