Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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