apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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