how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
