put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
