shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
