I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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