the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
