Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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