your parents love me but you hate me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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