The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
