I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
