Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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