im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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