in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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