Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
