I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
